I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
