party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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