You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
