This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
