New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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