those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize