How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
