this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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