i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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