Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
