Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
