i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
