y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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