I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
