Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
