We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
