i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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