I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
