Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
ttyl tear gas
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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