Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
