i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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