Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
