so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
