i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
