I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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