You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
