who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
