sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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