wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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