I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
no, he came in my armpit
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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