Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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