Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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