That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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