BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
