I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
