I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
