you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
