I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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