just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
