I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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