He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
