I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
