You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
