I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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