Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
