Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
