Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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