how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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