I looked at my own cervix.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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