i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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