I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
MIDGETS
????
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
