Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
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