I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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