Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
