I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
