i can't believe i had my finger in that
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
