GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
