...so i touched it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
