thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
