You smell like a Billy Joel song
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think your dad took our porno
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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