we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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