im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I died a long time ago.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
