I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
