I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
