Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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