Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm like, not good at living.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
