His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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