Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
