If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
