He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
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judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
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Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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