Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
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she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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