dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she told me i tasted like america
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
