insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What a dumb baby whore.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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