This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
