I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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