peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
