omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
